PREVENTION OF DFV

The Church and Healing

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AWARENESS AND PREVENTION HOMEPAGE

WHAT IS DOMESTIC AND FAMILY VIOLENCE?

SIGNS AND IMPACT OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

FAITH AND DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

RESPONDING TO THOSE EXPERIENCING DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

RESPONDING TO A PERSON WHO IS VIOLENT AND ABUSIVE

THE CHURCH AND HEALING

Making the church a safe, healing space

How can we make the church a safe place, where 1) those who have experienced violence can heal and rebuild and be supported, 2) we recognise that overwhelmingly the victims of domestic violence have been women and children and 3) those who have used abuse are made accountable and recognise that true repentance means getting help to develop respectful relationships where all are equal under Christ?

The National Anglican Family Violence Research Report in Australia (Powell & Pepper 2021, pp22–23) put forward ways in which churches can support those who experience abuse, by recognising the following needs:

to be safe
to have material provision
to be in relationships of care, empathy and acceptance
to have an identity
to make a contribution
to have a spiritual life and relationship with God.

They also went further to outline recommendations for church communities and church leaders, including recognising that domestic violence happens, using a variety of ways to inform members of the existence of domestic violence, empowering victims to seek help, providing education and training for pastors, leaders and congregations and offering teaching on Christian marriage. You can read more in their report.

‘Restored’ is a specialist website from the UK that provides a pack for churches to work to prevent domestic violence.

The Common Grace – SAFER Project also offers a range of suggestions for churches around addressing domestic violence. They note that those who have experienced domestic violence can experience trauma simply in coming to worship, so there are suggestions to consider in preaching.

LCANZ ‘Hidden Hurts and Healing Hearts’ website has suggestions also, and you can read the experience of one pastor under ‘Arthur’s story’, where he changed his preaching style after reflecting on counselling with a couple experiencing domestic violence.

Below are some ways that a congregation or ministry can engage and be more supportive.

Be aware, engage, support

The ideas below have been adapted from an earlier church pack for congregations of the LCANZ, under the headings: 1) Be aware, 2) engage and 3) support.

1. Be aware

Believe that domestic violence happens, and people in your church are probably affected by it.
When you write a sermon or Bible study, take into account that you may have someone listening who has experienced or is experiencing domestic violence, and indicate that it is wrong.
Pray for those affected.
Develop a church charter for your congregation.
Display posters that offer the help available and local contact numbers, and provide books and information on domestic violence for members to access.
Read the information provided on the LCANZ Hidden Hurts Healing Hearts website, the Common Grace – Safer project website or the Restored Relationships website.

2. Engage

Go deeper – reflect on your own attitudes toward domestic violence and violence toward women and children.
Don’t attempt joint couples counselling once domestic violence is identified, but do refer to individual counselling (or group programs for men).
Talk about domestic violence and stand up against violence against women and children (be a helpful bystander). Never underestimate the power of sowing a seed.
Have members in your congregation attend domestic violence awareness training.
Include discussions of domestic violence in marriage preparation (Prepare/Enrich has questions on this), or talk to youth groups about healthy relationships.
Have a special day each year to focus on this, either in May for Domestic Violence Prevention month or 25 November, International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women.
The Common Grace – Safer Project provide 16 days of prayer and reflections that you can work through, or use the Restore website to work through the church info pack.
Invite speakers to your congregation to talk after the service about domestic violence.

3. Support

If you became aware of the signs of domestic violence in one of your church council members, your lay assistants or a staff member at your church, have ideas about how you might handle it.
Be aware of your fellow clergy or lay workers who may need help.
Think about how you support the person experiencing violence and work with the person using violence – your role is to recognise, respond and refer (not to determine the truth).
Have support for yourself when these situations arise – get professional help if needed.

Reaching out to the community

As a church, we are called not just to those who are part of the church, but to reach out to the community. In Matthew 25:40, Jesus states that whatever we do for the people around us, we do for him. What might be some ways in which you can be a neighbour to those in your community?

Some suggestions include donating to domestic violence services, helping people find accommodation, participating in fundraisers (such as the Darkness to Daylight fundraiser), encouraging your congregation or school to provide a domestic violence awareness workshop, and, if safe, being a good bystander by naming disrespectful behaviour.

The vastness of the problem can seem overwhelming for those who work in the area, but consider the following story. A man was walking on the beach and saw a vast array of tiny crabs, caught on the drying sand as the tide receded. A young person was reaching down, picking them up and carrying them, one by one, out to the water and placing them in the shallows. He asked the person, 'Why are you doing this – you can’t help them all. What does it matter?' The young person replied, 'No, but it matters to this one.'

Just as Christ died to rescue each and every one of us, if you can help in a small way to improve the life of one person who has experienced domestic violence, or support those who work to make the church a safer place, it will make a difference.