Signs and Impact of Domestic Violence
Signs of domestic violence
Researchers and practitioners have found that the development of domestic violence is often a gradual process over time, and we may initially notice more subtle signs in the person experiencing domestic violence.
The information in the downloadable document below, ‘Signs of Domestic Violence’, outlines some of these clues. It includes signs noted in a booklet called 'Ally Guide' (David Mandel and the Safe and Together Institute).
The following video from the NSW Government (Communities and Justice) shows children talking about their experiences of witnessing domestic violence.
There is a Kids Helpline (Australia) on 1800 551 800 and a Kids Helpline (NZ) on 0800 942 8787.
Effects on children and young people
Support has often focused on partners experiencing domestic violence, but we now know that the effects on children and young people can be equally significant.
The Domestic Violence Handbook describes some of the effects on a child or young person witnessing or experiencing domestic violence within their own home, including:
- feelings of responsibility for the violence, guilt, anger, fear, anxiety, depression, grief, shame, powerlessness, confusion, despair, neglect, unworthiness, low self-esteem, isolation, helplessness and distrust
- stress-related conditions, such as headaches or stomach pain, sleeping and eating difficulties and frequent illness
- behavioural problems, such as aggression, acting out, running away, lack of concentration, poor school performance, difficulty making friends, self-harming, animal cruelty or bullying
- loss of a sense of personal safety
- developmental delay or regression, e.g. returning to bedwetting after being toilet trained.
The NSW Government (Communities and Justice) reports that for young people, there is a higher chance that they will suffer from depression, be homeless, abuse drugs and alcohol, engage in risk-taking behaviours, experience violence in their teenage relationships, and use violence or be controlling and manipulative in relationships.
Even before birth, research has shown that babies are highly sensitive to their surroundings and can hear and feel what is happening, and their development is impacted (Domestic Violence Handbook, page 20). Children don’t have to see the violence to be affected, and they can also be physically hurt as they get caught in a physical incident. Children themselves report (from the Joint Churches Domestic Violence Prevention Project):
- ‘I try not to be seen. I will hide under the bed or in a cupboard.’
- ‘I’m worried about my mum. I’m worried that she’ll be killed.’
- ‘I just close the door.’
- ‘I love both my parents.’
- ‘I’m worried that my friends will find out about what happens in our house.’
Impact of domestic violence on parenting
The impact of domestic violence goes beyond mental health effects for the children; it impacts the parenting, the partner’s emotional availability and the family as a whole.
David Mandel (Safe and Together Institute) indicates that the community often has higher expectations of a mother than a father, and when there is domestic and family violence, will often blame the victim of the abuse. To move beyond this means really trying to understand the experience of abuse and the insidious way it destroys family relationships from the inside. Some of the impacts include:
- Effects on the family – financial problems, frequently moving house, loss of contact with extended family, disruptions to schooling and often frequent changes in schools to hide the abuse.
- Effects on parenting – mental health issues, including depression and anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder, less confidence as a parent, energy goes into managing the abuser rather than the children, children lose respect for the parent they see as ‘weaker’ leading to poor relationships and discipline issues, others blame their mother for not ‘protecting’ them instead of the abuser for causing the harm, sometimes parents use alcohol and drugs, and the abuser undermines and interferes with the daily care of the children.
When adult offspring experience domestic violence
In the church, it can be grandparents who begin to notice the effects of domestic violence in the families of their adult children. It is often a shock to recognise that your adult offspring are experiencing domestic violence and then to have concerns for your grandchildren. It may also be parents who notice their teenagers and or young adults entering relationships that have signs of domestic violence.
In this situation, information from the Safe and Together booklet, Ally Guide, can be helpful for knowing what to do about this. They can also speak to a counsellor or other professional experienced in domestic violence about how to manage their own feelings and to explore how to support their offspring.
Read Judy’s story at www.preventdfv.lca.org.au/our-stories/judys-story
Effects when men experience domestic violence
Domestic violence for men follows many of the general forms and patterns that have been described in other sections. However, there may also be some different impacts. Shame can be different, due to community beliefs that men should be strong, with strength being defined in a physical way.
Relationships Australia NSW found that 'Men coming forward to talk about their experiences of violence can feel confused, invalidated and humiliated. They can worry: 'What does it say about me as a man?' It can challenge their perceptions of what a man is 'supposed to be'.
There can also be the concern that because of the high rates of males using domestic abuse, they will be treated with suspicion. If they separate from their partner, this suspicion may lead to the children staying with the mother who is abusive, their concerns being ignored, and the mother using this information as a threat (indicating no-one will believe them). It is important to remember that there are no excuses for abuse by anyone, and that the violence is not their fault.
You can follow this up at www.relationshipsnsw.org.au/what-to-do-if-you-are-a-male-victim-of-domestic-violence and www.healthdirect.gov.au/domestic-violence-against-men
Impact of elder abuse
Although the majority of domestic violence is currently intimate partner violence, there is an increasing awareness of family violence and the recognition of elder abuse.
There are often conflicting emotions for a senior person. They may depend on the care of their adult offspring in many areas of life, or they may feel guilty that they failed in parenting, or issues of protective love, where they continue to rescue the adult child from their problems, and now don’t know how to manage the disrespect or abuse they receive. Seniors are often reluctant to report these issues, and embarrassment and shame are involved (information from workers in an elder abuse prevention and support service in Queensland and the National Elder Abuse Conference, Tasmania 2022).
Senior people can also experience ongoing domestic violence from a partner. It is not uncommon in these situations that adult children may not believe them (having been protected from the impact of the abuse) and may side with the perpetrator of the abuse. Adult offspring may also become abusive themselves toward the parent, expect the parent to look after their needs (entitlement), or blame their parent for not leaving the perpetrator earlier. This form of elder abuse still requires support.
For more information and videos on elder abuse, see humanrights.gov.au/elderabuse
Being culturally aware and supporting diverse groups
Is domestic violence a crime?
Within Australia and New Zealand, there is legislation against domestic violence, and there will soon be legislation against coercive control. Victims can apply for Domestic Violence Orders (DVO) or Apprehended Violence Orders (AVO), or these orders may be issued by police.
There are consequences for breaching an order, which can include court attendance, mandated attendance at a men’s behaviour change group program, probation or a jail sentence. Orders may prohibit or limit the offender from having any contact with their partner or children for up to five years. In some jurisdictions, there will be separate charges of assault, stalking or strangulation, which carry more significant penalties.
For more information, contact your national domestic violence helpline, which can refer you to the best local sources of information.
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