Faith and Domestic Violence
Is there domestic violence in the church?
Some people believe that domestic violence only occurs outside of the church; however, we can’t ignore the increasing number of stories coming from Christians, including Lutherans, who have personally experienced or used domestic violence. The research into domestic violence in Australian and New Zealand churches is limited, and more is needed.
Up until 2021, there were three surveys and one analysis in Australia, and they found that the level of domestic violence in the church was the same as in the community, that one in five men who use domestic violence attend church and that many clergy are having to deal with domestic violence (Common Grace – Safer).
The University of Otago, New Zealand, published a report in 2016 on Christian faith and family violence for the Samoan communities. In 2021, a paper was published on a Tongan-Indigenous faith-based program for working with domestic violence in Auckland.
Christian Faith and Family Violence: A Report for Samoan Communities in New Zealand can be found here.
Domestic violence as a faith issue
People who have experienced domestic violence can struggle with understanding a God who will allow this suffering, and why Christians would not support them. We need to understand domestic violence, so we can validate the experience of victims, give them hope for the future, and support their faith in God and God’s love for them.
Natasha Moore and John Dickson (Centre for Public Christianity) write, 'There is no question that all forms of emotional, psychological, verbal or physical abuse are utterly irreconcilable with a right understanding of Christian teaching. To forgive does not mean to stay in an abusive relationship. To "submit" cannot mean to stay in an abusive relationship.'
The Joint Churches Domestic Violence Prevention Project booklet (p8) noted: 'Marriage vows are probably the most important and, for Christians, the most sacred promises we will ever make … Where marriage is concerned, the idea of divorce, much less filing for divorce, is very difficult for many women who have been raised as Christians.'
This booklet talks to the faith issues for Christian women, including:
- The perpetrator of violence using the Bible to justify abusing a partner: 'Scripture should never be used to justify abuse or to encourage people to remain in an abusive relationship' (p13).
- Discussing forgiveness: 'Forgiving someone who chooses to hurt us does not mean that we must go on living with them and allowing them to continue hurting us' (p15).
- Forgiving a perpetrator is a journey, not an instant expectation, especially when trauma has been caused.
- The Bible has often been misinterpreted to allow abuse to continue, which means that when victims of abuse ask for help, they often experience silence, disbelief, criticism, blame and shame from other Christians (p21).
The Domestic Violence Handbook (intro and pp6,7) also highlights some of the faith issues, by discussing the beliefs some Christians use to justify their violence and the control over their wives. It highlights:
- The difference in the way Jesus treated women – 'In a society and time when women were regarded as the property of men, Jesus treated women with equality and dignity' (Bishop John Henderson).
- The concerns around concepts of ‘headship’ and the misinterpretation of Bible verses such as Ephesians 5:21,2 to justify dominance and abuse against a wife by her husband. Pastor Ian Rentsch sums this up by saying, 'So we pastors and church workers should be mindful of how we reflect how God’s love comes to life for those who have been abused, or have perpetrated abuse, and have come to us for confession, support and healing.'
For further reading, including the impact on partners of clergy, see:
- Domestic Violence Handbook
- ‘The Good, the bad and the Ugly: Questions Women ask about Relationships and Christian Beliefs’. https://www.preventdfv.lca.org.au/resources-training/
- Common Grace – SAFER
- ABC News article
- Domestic violence also impacts pastors’ wives. Follow this link to read more about this:
Unconscious bias
Unconscious bias is crucial to explaining why domestic violence can occur in the church and why it continues to be an issue. Unconscious biases are stereotypes or attitudes about certain groups of people that you aren’t even aware of (Schulz and Jewson 2022). For example, within the church, the majority of clergy and church leaders are white males, and without being aware of it, can subconsciously downplay the woman’s experience and place more importance on what the male says.
We can also have unconscious biases about other cultural groups, around male and female stereotypes, or in seeing abusive relationships as ‘conflict or disagreements’, rather than abuse. These biases are often beliefs we have grown up with and never questioned.
When unconscious bias is present around gender, some women have felt unable to talk about domestic violence to male clergy and leaders. When they have spoken up about abuse, they have been told that it is their fault and they must stay in the relationship (as the wife must be submissive to the male); they have been judged as overemotional and their story has not been believed; or male clergy have tried to jointly counsel the couple without understanding the complexities or inequalities.
Those in a position of privilege are usually unaware of their unconscious biases. To improve our response to domestic violence in the church means honestly exploring possible unconscious bias, and not minimising the issue or blaming the victims of abuse.
For further reading, see juniaproject.com/10-ways-male-privilege-shows-church, which indicates 10 ways in which unconscious bias around gender may show up in the church.
How churches fail victims
As congregations and churches, we need to improve the way we support those who experience domestic violence. This includes not only 1) creating a culture where domestic violence is not acceptable, but 2) knowing how to support those who are experiencing domestic violence, including pastors’ wives, and 3) helping those who have used domestic violence to be accountable and change.
Senior Minister Mark Conner from CityLife Church in Melbourne details what he says are the six failings of the church:
- We have not done a good job of helping to prevent domestic violence, of confronting it when it does occur, nor of helping those involved – both the perpetrator and victim.
- There has been too much ignorance about the prevalence of domestic violence. Many church leaders have failed to believe that it can happen, even in Christian homes.
- There has been much erroneous teaching about ‘submission’, ‘authority’ and ‘obedience’ in the home. This has led to a culture of silence and acceptance.
- Preachers have not taught on this subject nor referred to it enough in their messages.
- Pastors and church leaders have not been equipped to address this matter, nor have they equipped their congregation members with proper responses should domestic violence occur.
- Pastors have often emphasised forgiveness and repentance at the expense of a person’s welfare and safety.
Churches begin to become agents of change as they acknowledge and repent of the role they have played as well as become attentive to the ways they may be upholding or perpetuating violence. See Common Grace.
LCA Standards of Ethical Behaviour
The LCANZ has, in recent years, launched a code of ethics, which now includes awareness of domestic violence. The code states:
In our personal behaviour, we demonstrate God’s love by:
- setting a good example of Christian living
- treating each other with dignity and respect
- being courteous, kind and compassionate in our words and actions
- not abusing people (including members of our family), verbally, physically, emotionally, sexually or spiritually
- acting responsibly in potentially addictive activities which may cause harm to our family, such as abuse of alcohol, addictive substances or gambling
- refraining from engaging in, viewing or possessing pornographic materials; and
- cultivating a lifestyle of reconciliation.
Read the complete version at www.lca.org.au/seb
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