A troubled spirit
by Jacob Traeger
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After saying this Jesus was troubled in spirit and declared, ‘Very truly, I tell you, one of you will betray me’ (John 13:21).
Read John 13:21–32
Jesus’ suffering begins well before his arrest. John has already described Jesus as ‘troubled’ twice: first at Lazarus’ tomb and then as he reflects on what is to come (John 12:27). Now he is again troubled, disturbed and suffering anguish in his soul, as he declares that he will be betrayed.
None of the disciples with him responds to his anguish. We might hope they would be concerned about what Jesus is going through and have some empathy or compassion for him. Instead, the disciples focus on who he could be referring to.
I recognise this reaction in myself. Often, my first response to troubling news is to think, ‘How does this affect me?’
It can be comforting to know that Jesus, too, experienced moments of anguish and anxiety. Even the people closest to him didn’t know how to respond. It must have felt quite isolating. He knew his Father’s love, of course, but if his very spirit was troubled, perhaps that didn’t feel as comforting as it might.
When Martin Luther and the other reformers experienced trouble in their spirit – what we might call depression – they saw it as a consequence of sin. A result of the brokenness of the world and the lies of the evil one who says, ‘Surely God couldn’t love you.’
Jesus experiences that same feeling. And although Jesus never sins, he bears the consequence of sin. His soul is troubled because of the evil that is about to come upon him, beginning with this betrayal.
But Jesus doesn’t dwell on how this will all affect him. He continues to be concerned for his disciples. As they walk from the upper room to the garden where he is arrested, John records Jesus teaching, comforting, encouraging and praying. And when Jesus prays, he prays not for himself, but for his disciples.
Jesus knows what a troubled spirit feels like. Anguish and depression are not punishment or a sign that you’re distant from God. And, as we follow Jesus through the rest of this Holy Week, we see also that Jesus was betrayed in his anguish, so that you would know you are never abandoned in yours.
Holy Spirit, when I am troubled in spirit and feeling low, point me to Jesus. Remind me that you never abandon me. Comfort and encourage me, so that I don’t get stuck in my own troubles but have compassion and comfort for others in theirs. Amen.
Jacob lives with his wife, Kate, in Canberra, where he serves as a pastor in the Molonglo Valley Gospel Community church plant. He loves that Canberra is a place full of interesting people, where Christians can serve, bless and pray for those making big decisions for Australia. In his downtime, you’ll find him hiking, cycling, playing board games or making homebrew with friends.
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